Back again at my home by the sea...ok so it's only a temporary home enjoyed periodically and it's not technically by the sea...but it is salt water all the same. Officially, in all honesty, which is a good trait for a pastoral artist to have, I am once again situating myself down at alki beach, in the great city of Seattle, on the shores of puget sound. The last time that I posted from here was in early February. I found myself in survival mode from grad school and life. The good news is that I survived. The bad news... Well guess what? There is no bad news.
Part of the reason for my sabbatical from here is that I was becoming far too cynical for even my own good. When that happens, it begins to be reflected in my outlets...those being either my teaching or my writing. Since the teaching/preaching thing is a paying gig, I needed to focus on that and then let the other go. At the time I didn't even know if I would ever come back. I will tell you that it's been calling to me ever since. So here I am... Seems it's a destiny of sorts for me.
Speaking of destiny, I've been in a discussion of sorts lately around the idea of destiny. My gorgeous wife, a few friends, and myself are in a small group where the subject matter is currently the idea of destiny. I'll admit to not having had much time to consider the topic, which is a shame really. The more I seriously wrestle with the idea, the more that I have to believe that destiny shapes everything about me.
Here's how I would describe it, although I will warn you that this is not really deep, nor is it necessarily theological. Destiny is the accumulation of choices, some of them thought out, some of them in the moment, that you have made, leading you to this exact moment in your life. I am on alki this morning, sharing these ramblings on my iPad because of some calculated choices made between last night and a few moments ago. The reason I have this blog at all is because of a random conversation with a friend, visiting with us years ago, about a good place to explore my love for writing. The reason that we were having that conversation is because he was visiting, and the reason he was visiting was because we had moved to Seattle and the reason we had moved to Seattle was because of a chance contact on a random web page which I was on because of some unsolicited interest in my pastoral abilities.
On and on it goes...life in reverse, full of choices made by me or for me. Choices that cannot be remade and choices that have all led me to this moment in a Starbucks on the beach in Seattle. Some call it random. I call it destiny. One of the questions posed in this discussion was "what fears keep you from making a choice to change your destiny". I realized that I am blessed with not having any at the moment. My wife and I feel the freedom and security to do anything that we might possibly feel led strongly to take on. I could, if I felt led, go anywhere, do anything, be anybody that I was feeling called to go, do, or be. That's not to say that we don't have hesitation. We absolutely do...her name is Lily, our granddaughter...and now a grandson Aiden is being added to our hesitation list. But hesitation is not fear.
So what does it all mean? It means that for now, for this moment, in a Starbucks, on a beach, in Seattle, God has me right where I need to be. I'm a grandpa, I'm a dad, I'm a husband, I'm a pastor. It's my destiny. What's yours?