Thursday, May 24, 2012

Smarter

It's been nearly 3 months since my last visit to this blog, which is pretty inexcusable for someone with a desire to write and a commitment to keeping a blog updated. Not that its an excuse, but life kind of happened big these last several weeks. This was a particularly crazy end to a particularly crazy chapter of my life. I think that I'm at the back side of it, but not without some measure of exhaustion. This morning I made a desperate move to get some of my life back by coming back down here to my initial place of inspiration...a window seat with a view of the beach. One of the events marking these past several weeks was the completion of my graduate school career and the awarding of my Masters Degree. I don't really know what I thought life might be like after getting a piece of paper indicating that I'm 3 years smarter and 3 years poorer. I remember the wisdom that the Wizard bestowed on the Scarecrow regarding this issue. "Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, Where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out they think deep thoughts, and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing that you haven't got: a diploma.". Part of this has been encouraging me along the journey of higher education...but, I have the diploma now...or at least it's in the mail, and I don't feel any smarter whatsoever. In fact, in my current frame of being I think I know less than I did when I began. I'm sure that this isn't really so, but it seems that way if I allow myself to think about it. This week, in my return to the office and all things that I'm paid for in my pastoral artist role, I'm finding that what I can really engage in is some brainless, but creative renovating of a new office space. Every attempt at pushing more "knowledge" into my brain is being met with some pretty serious resistance. I used to be known for voraciously reading anything and everything which would provide the slightest bit of knowledge. Even the wrappers on a roll of toilet paper could provide some interesting bit of trivia. This morning I had to turn my Starbucks cup around so that I didn't have to look at the little check boxes on the side. Definitely a sign of information overload. The short of it is, from a "living out that which I believe" point of view, a reminder that this is not all about me and my ability to do anything. I am reminded, when I have no reserves left, that humility is the beginning of learning. When you know that you don't know all that you thought you knew...then it may possibly be revealed. When nothing else remains, God still does, and He moves me along. I wonder might happen if I worked from this reality, instead of having to repeatedly fall back on it. I hope that I can spend the next chapter of my life finding out...and somewhere along the road I just might be smarter.