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Showing posts from 2005

Bethlehem

Tonight we celebrate an event from thousands of years ago. What happened then was foretold in whispers through the ages prior to that mysterious night. And the reality of it has echoed ever since. It happened in a non-descript place called Bethlehem. It’s not all that significant of a town today unless of course you live there and it was even less so 2000 years ago. It must have held some value though as God chose this place of insignificance for the most significant event of all time. The lowly were called there by angels. The learned were led by a star. Some began close, others far away, but each, at a given point, could say that they were not that far from Bethlehem. Tonight we are drawn together to celebrate the event. All of us, the lowly and learned, the meek and the mighty, all relatively insignificant in the whole scheme of the world’s existence, but yet all seemingly have great value in God’s sight. For tonight, in the Bethlehem of our lives, God wants to demonstrate the most

Bethlehem

Tonight we celebrate an event from thousands of years ago. What happened then was foretold in whispers through the ages prior to that mysterious night. And the reality of it has echoed ever since. It happened in a non-descript place called Bethlehem. It’s not all that significant of a town today unless of course you live there and it was even less so 2000 years ago. It must have held some value though as God chose this place of insignificance for the most significant event of all time. The lowly were called there by angels. The learned were led by a star. Some began close, others far away, but each, at a given point, could say that they were not that far from Bethlehem. Tonight we are drawn together to celebrate the event. All of us, the lowly and learned, the meek and the mighty, all relatively insignificant in the whole scheme of the world’s existence, but yet all seemingly have great value in God’s sight. For tonight, in the Bethlehem of our lives, God wants to demonstr

lips

Ever heard of the phrase "loose lips sink ships"? I think it comes from one of the World Wars. Whoever came up with it was a genious. The more I deal with people in larger social contexts such as work environments, school environments, church environments, and anything involving groups of more than two people, I expereince the wisdom of this phrase. It seems as if no matter the stakes, confidential information is all up for interpretation. It's as if by telling someone that some bit of information is confidential, you are giving them the opportunity to validate themselves by spilling it. In my profession, if I'm in conversation with someone and they ask that it be kept between us, I am bound to do just that. Now I admit that occasionally some seemingly justifiable loophole springs up which helps me justify "sharing" information that, although may not have explicitly been deemed confidential, it was at least implied. All of us fall into that at one ti

Kings

Once upon a time, in a dark land far far away, there lived an old king. This King liked living in darkness. It wasn’t actually that he liked living in darkness, rather it was the fact that the darkness hid the things that he was really afraid of. The people of the kingdom didn’t really enjoy the darkness, but over time they had gotten quite used to it. They too could appreciate the fact that there were things more scary than darkness around them and as long as it remained dark, these things went mostly unnoticed. They were only rumors, only memories. To be sure, getting around in the dark could be difficult. In fact, if you could see much in that kingdom, you’d see that pretty much all of the people living there had collected some pretty nasty looking bruises from bumping into things in the dark. But it was generally accepted that the bruises were far less of a problem than that which lie in the dark, giving them bruises. They had grown quite content living in the dark and the

self-esteem

I read another article the other day about the latest trend in teaching math out here in the great Northwest. Basically the idea is this, which I'm sure is the same in most areas of our country where we have become to smart for our own good; We teach students to appreciate the concept of math. We don't teach them problem solving. We don't teach them basic principles like addition, subtraction, multiplication, division. We teach them relationships between numbers, like they're some new social dynamic in need of counseling. We teach them to "feel good" about math. I may not be the smartest guy on my block, but it seems to me that I would feel good about math if I could actually succeed at it. I would feel good if I could actually get an answer right on a test. In this new version, there isn't necessarily a right and a wrong answer. It's a right and wrong concept. How does one grade an objective subject like math when everything is subject to the students

influence

I've been thinking about influence lately. I've been thinking of mine. The kind I have with others I mean. It's a natural part of my calling and profession. Without influence, I'd have no job. I'd be considered a miserable failure. At the moment I'm just miserable. I'm not liking that I have influence. It's hard to grasp the idea that decisions I make and feelings that I have can shape large parts of the existing world. That may sound like arrogance. It's really not. It's ripples. All people form ripples everyday with practically every action that they make. Mine are maybe just more widespread than the average guy because I, by nature, have a bigger circle that I interact with. I have a larger audience than most. I actually get paid to say something worth listening to. Listening hopefully transforms into doing and then the ripples get bigger. It's ironic that I get paid to have people listen to me. When my family gets the chance to do it for

Circles

I've come to believe that the world is round. I know...that's already been figured out. I don't mean literally round, although it is. What I mean is that I believe that the world exists in circles. Everything is circular. You know what I mean. What goes around comes around. History repeats itself. In the end you end up marrying someone just like your mother, if you're a guy of course. All of those sayings and mystical beliefs about human nature and the society in which we live. But the longer I do what I do, the more I believe that these have truth to them. They have truth because they've been observed. Science used to be that way, truth through observation. Today it's truth by what makes sense, or what feels good, or what offends the least amount of people. But in my opinion, what I learned back when science was still somewhat reliable, truth is observable. And I've observed that life exits in circles, so it must be truth. Anyway.... what I

gourds

I really like the Fall. One of the reasons that I like Fall is the visual stuff that goes with it, the holiday stuff, the pilgrim stuff, the pumpkin stuff. My wife really goes all out decorating our house with all sorts of orange, red, brown, and yellow stuff. That always includes gourds. For the longest time I never really understood the point of a gourd. I mean, after all, it's not really a pumpkin right? You can't really enjoy its' taste like some kind of squash can you? True, it is very Fall like and festive if used in the right combination of other Fall type decorations. But what is the point? You can't carve it, shouldn't eat it, can't really smash it in the roadway. So what is the point. I',m not really sure I have a point, other than to look good on my table and around the house. They bring color. I did notice one peculiar quality they have though. They can rot from the inside and you'd never know it until one day, with just a little

Dishes

I read in the Bible different ways that God spoke to His people. A burning bush, a still small voice, various prophets, and parables that Jesus taught, were just a few. I think He speaks to me through dishes. Actually it's more through the process of doing the dishes. I love doing dishes. I don't know exactly why. I do have theories though. So do other people. I won't discuss theirs here though. Jesus spoke many parable to many groups of people and he always had a way of connecting what what going on in the parable, or story, with what was going on in the listeners everyday life. For the farmers he told stories about farming. With the fishermen he told stories about fishing. Around business people he spoke of business transactions. With me it's dishes. Something draws me to the sink in any gathering I find myself in. In my own house i think I'm drawn there because of the amazing effort and love that my wife puts into every meal. Her stuff is incredibl

water

I've been dealing with water alot lately. It's not because I live in Seattle either. We don't really get all that much here. Ask my lawn if you don't believe me. It's only been this past week that I've even been encouraged to consider mowing my lawn. It's only now going through it's annual resurrection. Being from the Northeast, I'm used to a lawn that is now just dying in the last days before winter. Here, mine is just coming back to life in the last days before winter. I used to care that it turned brown and died. I thought it was a status thing to have green lawn. That changed immediately after getting our first water bill from the city. Status is overrated. And so my lawn goes through it's annual process of death and resurrection. I just tell myself that it's my own personal Christian metaphor. In the past few weeks I was in Louisville and Cincinnati, two places highly influenced by water. The Ohio river flows majestically

33

I just opened my blog this morning and learned that I have made 32 other posts to my page. That would make this 33. I'm amazed that I've had 32 other things worth saying. maybe they weren't really worth saying for that matter. At least I'm surprised that I thought 32 other things were worth saying. I'm not sure that I have another. I have looked back over them and found more randomness than cohesion throughout the things that I write. I'd probably have a hard time writing a book. I can't stay on one string long enough. This morning I'm thinking about 33. Jesus died when he was 33. I was 33 in 1996. I just found a CD the other day called WOW 1996. See what I mean? My thoughts travel in probably 33 different directions. Write now as I write here for the 33rd time I'm noticing that the blog site has changed. The resolution on the whole site has changed. Everything is larger, almost magnified. What does that have to do with anything?

plans

I'm a very scheduled person. Even my writing is becoming more and more scheduled. In fact I'm only writing this at the moment because, when I checked the date of my last post, I realized that "it was really time for another". One a week? I call that scheduled. I'm interested to see how this turns out at the end. Writing, like anything else creative, should never, in my opinion, be scheduled. It ought to be inspired. That's why I don't pursue my artistic tendencies. I was a photographer once, but lighting and backgrounds and such don't lend themselves all that well to schedule. I was a painter once. Same thing, schedule and inspiration don't mix. Neither do inspiration and a self critical spirit, but that's for another counseling session. So I have many "works" tucked away where only I can still see. Bringing them out in public only encourages people to try to get me back into inspirational mode, which again conflicts wit

Fair

I went to "The Fair" yesterday. It's one of the great American insitutions that that I really love. I mention that because there are many that I don't for a million different, mostly selfish, reasons. I love the fair though. I have an even greater appreciation now that I'm a city dweller. In my last phase of life it wasn't as big a draw because I lived the fair nearly every day. Everywhere I looked there were cows, goats, ducks, sheep, straw hats, tractors and PU trucks. That's P.U. trucks. You can figure it out. Anyway, the fair is about everything that makes America great. Everywhere you look you can find innocent children, women in long skirts with sneakers, flannel, plaid, braids, bare navels, nearly bare butts, shady salesmen hawking the answer to every problem that you never knew you had. There's PU trucks, cows, sheep, goats, pigs, country music, old heavy metal, old carnies and elephant ears. There's an abundance of culinary cre

Falling Rocks

Growing up around the Adirondack mountains in the east and now living in the shadow of the Cascades in the west, I'm very accustomed to seeing the "Falling Rock" sign. Passing them as a child frequently caused me to glance up expectantly in the chance that I might see the tell tale signs of an actual falling rock. I think that the closest that I ever came was a brief slide of pebbles down the dusty embankment of an interstate that we had travelled often. Now as I have grown older, I never look up. I never expect that which is on the sign to truly happen. I've come to believe that, in fact, thses signs may only be put up through a long forgotten tradition. We've always done it that way. A few days ago, three women were tragically killed east of here by, of all things, a rock slide. I wonder if they saw the signs. I doubt that, as they left an energizing evening of music and laughter to head back home, it even crossed their minds that they wouldn't make

age

So I'm 42 tomorrow. What is it about birthdays that cause you to be all reflective of the life you've lived and the life you want to live? My first "adult" birthday that I was excited about was my 40th. I know that it's usually one of the dreaded occasions for most people, but I actually looked forward to it. I was convinced that it was a new beginning for me. My 40's were going to be so much better than my 30's and light years ahead of my 20's. But one fifth of the way into them, I now pause and wonder if I'm headed where I imagined just two years ago. I wonder if instead I've wasted the opportunity for a strong start. Do I now need to rely on a strong finish to make up for it? I'm not sure. I am sure that many people in my life would be complimentary. They'd say I'm doing well. That's easy when they don't hold my measuring stick. How does one get so far from the goal set before us? I'll tell you what I

relief

Watching this past week, as many of us are, the events surrounding the devestation of the Gulf coast has come with many mixed emotions. I'll admit to some of them here, some I will probably never publicly admit to. I've been frustrated by the obvious human arrogance that contributed to this disaster. This has been a disaster a long time in the making. I've been sickened by the political labeling of our national shortcomings for relief. Again I'll repeat this has been a disaster a long time in the making. I've been horrified by the near cannibalism exhibited by a number of the citizens and dismayed by the media focus on the ugliness. I've been encouraged by the attitudes of a number of survivors. I'll admit to a bit of ambivalence toward those who chose to stay behind (not those who had no choice) and then demand an immediate rescue and providing for their "needs" as if they were taken completely by surprise. The slowness of the government

New

The sun is coming up. Many can't believe that I witness this event most days. What they can't really believe is that I choose to. I'm not driven by work schedule or school schedule. I'm just up at the dawn of a new day. Some don't even realize that 5 o'clock happens more than once a day. It does, and the one that I witness most mornings is far more inspiring than the one that happens every afternoon. I'll admit that some days are easier than others. Some days my eyes pop open automatically even though the darkness urges otherwise. Sometimes I just feel like I ought to oopen them against my better judgement. Those days that I give in to the carnal desire for more sleep I usually feel robbed. I've lost valuable time. It's quiet now in my house. It only happens at sunrise. I value quiet as any good father values quiet. The trouble is that I only get it here and now. It's also beautiful this time of day. It's new. Contrary to popular legend, it i

Style

I'm leaving for a week. I'm leaving the comforts of home. I'm leaving the demands of the job. I'm leaving the ridiculousness of the culture that so much values style over substance. I'll be in a wilderness in Canada on an island speaking to the greatest consumers of style the world has even known.....high school students. I'm praying for them. I'm praying for me. My job is to provide substance from God's word that will cross all style barriers. I have very little style, so I'll be relying totally on God's ability to deliver substance. I'm not praying as much for what will happen this week as I am praying for what will happen when they and I venture back to a culture of headlines and who is dating, marrying, and or divorcing who. The success of the week depend less on what happens there as it does with what happens here afterwards. I keep thinking of Paul's experience after his encounter with Jesus and then his subsequent baptism. My versi

investment opportunities

Way back before my paid ministry days I was involved in a life changing event. It actually wasn't my life that had been changed. The life I'm talking about was a man named Bill. Our church was looking for a new way to jump start our outreach to the community and honestly to find a new channel of visitors who would then become part of us and eventually contribute financially to our cause in the community. In other words, to help us balance the budget. It might sound cynical to you...I've been accused of that before, but it's ultimately true. I'm not really sure that our motivation would have been pure if it weren't for the fact that we were behind in our budget. For whatever reason, we became involved in a program called "Phones For You". Basically what happened was that we set up a num ber of phone lines, six I believe, and got volunteers to work for 3 weeks calling literally thousands of people. The idea was that we call them and invite them to a spec

Rain

Someone once said, "into every life, a little rain must fall." I've come to appreciate that statement recently. Although it does cause me to wonder if anything I've ever said will ever classify as a "someone once said" item. That's probably another whole piece of writing. Anyway, like I said, I've come to appreciate the rain. It might not sound like a huge revelation from someone who lives in Seattle. What I mean is that I no longer accept, expect, or merely tolerate rain. I've come to appreciate it. I only realized this just this morning when I woke up fully expecting another bright morning sky and instead found showers outside of my window. It made me happy. It also startled me that I was actually very relieved to pick up a very wet newspaper from my sidewalk. I 'm not totally sure about the transformation in my life. I think that it has progressed gradually to the point that I guess the universal need for rain outweighs my need to have thi

faithful

I'm sort of a literalist. Some might say a simpleton. That's alright with me. I think that it takes less effort to think the way I do. It takes less effort, but much more faith. I'm one of those simplistic people that believe that when Jesus said "I am the way", he really meant it. I believe that when the bible says that creation took six days, it really meant six 24 hour blocks of time. After all, He's God right? I believe in an all powerful, all encompassing God with no limits. If He says it, who am I to doubt that He could actually carry it off. The church that I serve with believes pretty much the way I do. That's why I choose to serve here. I don't agree with everything, but what I do appreciate is their practice "No creed but Christ, no book but the bible". It makes things less complex. Less complex leads to more faith. I've been studying the concept of observing "the Lord's Supper" recently for a sermon series and it

designed

I don't think that I've ever been as impressed with the design of our bodies as I have been this week. My wife's back quit working the way it was supposed to. It's been a very painful process for her. It's been a very humbling one for me. I'm being reminded everyday of the immeasurable ways she contributes to our family. I'm being reminded of how much I miss her being able to go anywhere with me. I appreciate the freedom of movement even more. I'm also being humbled by realizing the greatness of God's design. It's amazing how intricate the human body is. Our systems are so interconnected and developed that it only takes one small tear in one joint to almost totally immobalize the whole system. It has, if anything, strengthened my faith in an intelligent designer. It has given me many questions to ask you who are reading this who might be followers of Darwin. For example, How many years and how many mutations did it take for a spinal column to dev

Spectators

I'm of the opinion that life in 2005 has become merely a spectator sport. It's a cosmic NASCAR race where 140,000 watch 40 go around in circles for hours. It's great entertainment while it lasts and you can watch it from the side, maybe with a hotdog and a coke. When that's over there's always someone doing something else that you can watch. There's xtreme sports and xtreme games and any of a dozen xtreme makeovers. Instead of encouraging people to live life outside of the box, they've simply become another market to attract those many who watch those few live life to it's fullest. Reality television. It's the ultimate oxymoron. We now watch job interviews, trips around the world, boring blind dates, idiot celebrities behaving badly, and questionable cuisine choices. These events all used to take place only in the private lives of the participants involved, but we became so depsperate for more things to watch that we had to dig for more. Bruce Spring

welcome back

It's been a long time. I'm not sure if anyone missed me here, but I missed being here. I really don't know who, if anyone, actually stumbles onto this space in cyberland. I've been gone for the most part of three weeks various places with a commitment to not hang around my lap top. It was good to escape for awhile and wise to not drag my world along with me. That's the whole point of escape isn't it? There is value in getting away. There is also a price. One price is that the amount of time it takes you to recover from time away is exactly double the amount of time that you actually were away. For example, as I prepare to leave for a week away, I am consumed the week before with getting last minute things done. I am then consumed the week after with catching up on what I have missed. One week away costs me two weeks. So it only makes sense that I would not take any of the life I am trying to escape from with me. The other cost is time away from the

Older

I'm older now. I'm older than last year, older than last month, older than when I got up this morning. What does older really mean? Some people think that older means wiser. In theory I'm sure that could be true, but it doesn't always turn out that way. I think that you need older with intent. I see older people all the time who are making the same ridiculous destructive and debilitating mistakes that they were making ten years ago. Older with intent means that you are an observer of life. You are a life long learner. Moment by moment you are learning what is important, relevant and life giving and filtering out the nonsense. You are living intentionally instead of anonymously bumping through life and relationships with no purpose. Much has been written in the past few years about purpose driven living. Far be it from me to rain on anyones parade, or book sales, but I don't think it is complicated enough to warrant books, bible studies, DVD's and stu

Dead Zone

Sometimes I write to say something. Sometimes I write to get something to say. Does that make sense? It does to me. It's the dead zone. When I say that I have nothing to say, what I really mean is that I'm having a life moment when no coherent thoughts are readily available. Some who have read anything I've written may wonder if I've ever had coherent thoughts. Anyway, I'm out of them. So I'll write until one comes across this screen. It make take awhile. It may only take another sentence, or another paragraph. I know I'm not alone in this. The whole reason some people never write is that they never feel they can communicate a coherent thought. I feel that mine are sometimes divinely inspired so I guess when they're not there, it might mean that I'm not being divinely inspired. Some people express this by saying "I just don't feel God". I don't know if I ever"feel" God in that sense. Is He really there to fe

In The Presence of Greatness

I'll write this because my wife will never see it? I've had people from coast to coast tell me that they've read some of this junk on here, but the one who sleeps right beside me has never even seen one of these posts. It's not that she's not interested. She keeps encouraging me to write this stuff. She knows it's like therapy. The reason she never reads it is because she is very phobic when it comes to internet technology. It's mostly a lack of confidence in my opinion. This is one of her most tragic flaws. I call it tragic because most people I know at one time or another when they spend some time around her realize that they are in the presence of greatness. She'd have a fit if she read this, so feel free NOT to share it with her. As I spent this past week wrestling with the idea of Mother's Day and how that would all fit in to Sunday I just couldn't help but reflect on the greatness of mothering that I've been priviledged to be around for

Better?

How long ago was it that the microwave became a basic kitchen appliance? Remember when cable televison became fashionable? Picture discs anyone? How about 5 1/4 floppy drives? Who first used mapquest? My daughter bought a CD carrier for the car the other day. Does anyone remember 8 track carriers for the car? I thought about these things this morning as I was in the kitchen trying to come up with something convenient, fast, healthy, and tasting good for breakfast. I quickly realized that this combination was not going to add up. I could get a few to add up, like fast and tasting good, or healthy and convenient. I could not really get them all to add up. The variable in the equation was the fast part. The usual fast scenarios involved our microwave. I usually cannot equate the microwave and healthy in the same context. Call me paraniod, but I just don't think it's natural to heat things with your own self contained UL approved nuclear reactor. I can't help but

What Rock?

Some people are wanting to know what rock I'm referring to in the title of this blog. Actually it;s the rock in the picture for the link to this blog from our website. You can also see it back aways in the archives of this blog. Actually this rock is in Wyoming in the Medicine Bow mountain range is southeastern Wyoming. It is locate in a clearing on a mountain at an altitude of about 11,000 feet. The rock was my companion for about 3 hours in August of 2004 during a very critical point in my life. Towards the end of a week long very intensive retreat we taken to this mountain range and asked to spend 3 hours in solitude. I've never spent a more excruciating 3 hours in my life. I picked the rock as I walked into a clearing and noticed that it actually looked like a great place for a 3 hour nap. On my way to it I passed a few obvious signs that, yes indeed, bears do go in the woods. Needless to say, trying to sleep on the rock didn't seem like the greatest plan from

Did I say that out loud?

I would guess that everyone has had the experience of being misunderstood or misunderstanding someone else. In a life where speaking and listening is a profession, this can be very demanding, confusing, and sometimes exasperating. It's my theory that the gap between a persons mouth and someone else's ears was established during that Old Testament Tower of Babel incident. You may recall that as the inhabitants of the land were making a valiant attempt at constructing a tower up to God He confused their languages mid-project and forever more communication gaps have existed between people. They don't teach you those things in pre-marital counseling. when you could really use it. The whole process of preparing teaching moments and preaching series can seem like such a waste of time when people come up to me and say things like, "I loved it when you said...." and I have no idea where that thought came from. Sometimes it scares me. Sometimes I have to question wh

Gaps

I remember the original "Rocky" movie. Even though I haven't seen it in quite some time I still remember many moments from it and many famous lines. One section of dialogue I've been remembering more and more lately as our church wrestles with a new budget is a conversation that Rocky has with Adrienne about gaps. Do you remember it? Excuse my memory but the basic thought process that was being exhibited was this: "I got gaps...you got gaps...but together, we don't got gaps". The idea is simple. Everyone has something that they lack, but for everyone the lacking is different. You find compatibility when you find someone who makes up for your "gap" and you for theirs. A healthy relationship acts that way. It isn't draining, it is enhancing. It doesn't make excuses, it mends holes. Faith needs to be that kind of a relationship. Jesus told Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you". In other words, whatever you lack, His

spam

Spam, I hate it. I always have. I don't like the canned version nor do I appreciate the version that slimes my email account every single day. It's ridiculous. In my profession I hear more often than I care to about how peoples lives are a product of their family environment and disfunction in childhood. Save it! You want disfunction? Every month of my growing up years we had a "spam night" in our family. My father loves the stuff and therefore we got to experiment with it at least 12 times a year. I can't even look at the can. To this day I have a serious aversion to any combination of blue and yellow paint schemes. So I guess that naming the disgusting, annoying, crap that clogs my computer everyday spam is a stroke of genius. I wished that I had coined the phrase. I opened my mail today and had 234 unwanted messages from unknown, unseen, cowardly, high tech telemarketers. That was in one day! Imagine what happens if I don't check my mail eac

U Turns allowed

This morning I was watching parents drop their kids off at our school. We have distinct markings going into and out of our parking lot. They are very noticable. Not only that, there are only 6 weeks left in the school year. Despite these previously mentioned facts, I witnessed this morning a number of cars going the wrong way. It was obvious to me that they were going the wrong way. I didn't have to see the arrows or be standing directly in the lot. It just looked wrong. Have you ever had that experience? Have you ever watched people in behavior that just looked wrong? When this happens for me, it is as if my whole balance is thrown off. It makes my concept of the world not seem right. It's bothersome. I find it interesting though, in watching them, that they don't all seem to be bothered by going the wrong way. It seems like a well thought out process for some. A few of them were visibly embarrassed by their mistake, but some of them this morning started into

Design or designer

I'm an admirer of cars.......Most of the time. I'm an admirer usually until it's time to repair one. I've been cursed with a mechanical aptitude that most of the time won't allow me, in good conscience, to boost my local mechanic into the next higher tax bracket. Too often I find myself cursing the designer of the vehicle when I'm trying to resolve a failure in the design. In the last few weeks I've cursed those who collect paychecks from Honda, Hyundai, and Volkswagen. Don't worry though. For all of those "buy American first" types reading this. I've cursed my share of Ford and GM engineers as well. The other thing I've been cursed in is a background in engineering, more specifically mechanical engineering. It allows me the opportunity to play God when encountering their designs. I think thoughts like "If I designed this", or "If I planned that". Not being able to see into their minds, I have a hard time understandi

I Like it

I really like it when someone appreciates the same things that I appreciate. It is true that opposites attract. My marriage is a living testament to that theory. However, I think that it's also true that there is tremendous value in finding someone to share a mutual appreciation of something of importance in your life. Ideally in a marriage relationship you can experience both the opposites and the similarities. I find myself at different times longing for various opportunities to participate in some activity or other. The difference between the longing for and the participating in is most of the time a lack of someone to participate with. For example, I'd love to get involved with kayaking. I've tried it before and really liked it. However, I don't have anyone to do it with. The same goes for serious cycling. Not having someone of significance to share the experience with lessens my desire to actually participate. I'm beginning to have this conflict lately with the

Are You Done Yet?

I haven't written in awhile. It's been too long actually. It's been long enough that I can feel it. I wrote earlier that this was probably becoming a therapy. That probably explains the way I feel when I stop for a time. This past week has been..., well let's just say that it's been life. I had to laugh the other day when I passed the sign in front of our church and read "share a real life experience here". I thought, "well yeah, jump on in, the water is fine". It has been real life this past week. I guess it always is. It was just harder without the writing. This morning as I thought about it I also came to the conclusion that not only had I not written much, I also hadn't spoken much... to God that is. My writing has become a conversation and a way of expression just as prayer has to be a conversation and a way of expression. I lived real life this past week and came to the realization that real life, the life that really hap

community

I remember my earliest coffee days. I wasn't even married. It seems like many years ago. It was. My wife to be and I would hang out at a friends house, sit around the table and drink coffee for hours and talk about everything and nothing at all. I was hooked. Starbucks was only an infant in the northwest. I had Folgers, or whatever else was on sale. There were no coffee shops. Only diners and truckstops if you wanted to go "out" for coffee. But it wasn't really the coffee we were looking for, it was the company. So any table would do. Just a table to know each other over. It was that way for us through all of life's moves, changes, careers, births, deaths, you name it. We shared coffee and life. Of course over time, coffee itself became a bit more important. I remember our first grinder. I remember the excitement of first travelling down the aisle of specialty coffee beans, collected in the clear tall dispensing containers. I remember the smugnes

Anyone?

I feel like I'm talking to myself again. That's probably because I am. Aimless thoughts and rambling, but I remind myself that it is therapy. I write for myself, although anyone is free to listen in. It's not like a personal diary or anything. I'm thinking I could have found a more private way to express myself if secret thoughts were what I was aiming for. So it is like a conversation with myself because it's directed to no one in particular. The frustrating part is the questions. Why do I ask questions when I'm not really expecting an answer? Why did I just ask that question? I can carry on this conversation for pages or until my spell check checks out and I'm perfectly happy. Throw one question in there though and I'm a bit nervous. Nervous about no answers and nervous that sometime, somewhere an answer might actually show up. That changes everything. It's somewhat like my prayer life I guess. I talk and talk and ramble and talk to