Tuesday, September 06, 2005

age

So I'm 42 tomorrow. What is it about birthdays that cause you to be all reflective of the life you've lived and the life you want to live? My first "adult" birthday that I was excited about was my 40th. I know that it's usually one of the dreaded occasions for most people, but I actually looked forward to it. I was convinced that it was a new beginning for me. My 40's were going to be so much better than my 30's and light years ahead of my 20's. But one fifth of the way into them, I now pause and wonder if I'm headed where I imagined just two years ago. I wonder if instead I've wasted the opportunity for a strong start. Do I now need to rely on a strong finish to make up for it? I'm not sure. I am sure that many people in my life would be complimentary. They'd say I'm doing well. That's easy when they don't hold my measuring stick. How does one get so far from the goal set before us? I'll tell you what I've discovered on the eve of my 42nd year.... It's by measuring yourself only on this one stupid day of the year. Where was my conscience yesterday? How about on July 2nd or April 1st or May 29th? The goal hasn't changed. The desire hasn't changed. No matter how slightly you vary from the path, the longer you wander, the further you get away. Maybe I ought not wait until I've aged another year to evaluate how I'm doing with the life God gave me. Maybe I ought to think about the day He's set before me...the choice to do good or evil...the chance to go forward or backward. You can age gracefully or full of grace. I choose to live in the latter. Happy Birthday!