Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Jump

So my last post probably indicated a level of exasperation when it comes to wrestling with God through the medium of prayer.  For the weak of heart it may have seemed a bit jaded ... And I'm sure to some degree that it was, and in fact continues to be.  However, I choose to view it as real and honest, raw and certainly uncomfortable.  It mirrors my journey to a degree. You'll never mistake me for Joel Osteen, I can assure you of that.  Since the last post, not coincidentally I believe, I've engaged in another wrestling match with God that has left me grasping, wondering, grateful and frustrated, mostly all at the same time.  I've found that sharing with others the journey and the wrestling can help,that is of course  until it doesn't.  I've found that waiting on God, meditating patiently, and proceeding cautiously helps, until it doesn't.  I've seen where putting out the fleece of "just one more confirmation" can help, until it doesn't.  I have no answers in a position where I feel compelled to have some.  I can only offer an honest journey... And here is the honesty when it comes to discerning answers to prayers and moving your life accordingly ... Sometimes all that is left is to jump.  Following Gods lead is so much more about risk than it is risk management.  I used to live by a "what's the worst that could happen?" philosophy.  I knew deep within that the worst that could happen would be that I'd fall and he would be there to pick me back up...and that was always good enough.  The older I've gotten and the further I've extended, the more I've lost sight of that. I've become afraid of failure, not remembering what it feels like to be picked up, held, then dusted off and sent on my way.  So there it is ... I have some significant (at least to me) decisions to make and offered  them all to prayer.  I've shared, I've proceeded slowly, I've put the fleeces out, and still before me lies the unknown.  But my choice is simply to jump or sit on the ledge.  So jump it is ... Whats the worst that could happen?