Tuesday, October 31, 2006

power

It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, more than two weeks I’m thinking. I know that the tree outside the window of this caffeine based establishment is now bare. The last time I sat here watching life go by it was a deep burgundy color with just a hint of green left at the tips of the upper most branches. Now its bare, sort of a Tim Burton film kind of look. Actually it looks now how I felt then the last time I sat here….a sort of thin, haggard, spindly feeling. As I’ve been sitting here this morning looking at a blank screen, I can’t help notice the little battery icon in the lower left corner that keeps warning me of a depleting energy level. It’s a reminder like the witch gave to Dorothy about her impending demise when the sand runs out. I’m not plugged in, and if nothing were to change in this computing relationship then I will eventually run to the point of hibernation. It doesn’t stop unless I plug in.
As I sit here this morning I’m thankful that I’m feeling a bit more plugged in. A vacation will do that for you. We just got back from two weeks of being plugged in. It’s not the vacation that I’d have planned if I had the choice. In fact it wasn’t the original vacation at all. But it was a vacation all the same and we got away from the source of draining and plugged into some continued inspiration. It was energizing. There was no icon for us to watch anymore. It wasn’t the weather because it was cold and rainy most of the time. It wasn’t the location because for the most part we were surrounded by structures blocking out any view whatsoever. It wasn’t non-stop activity or recreation because we had a bunch of downtime when we had this “I don’t know, what do you want to do” type of look on our faces.
I’ve decided that it wasn’t as much being plugged in to something specific as is was being away from things that drained us. The list is long I suppose. No phone ringing incessantly, no people asking, demanding, expecting, no mail, no unfinished home projects looking accusingly at me and basically no responsibility to anyone but ourselves is what inadvertently created a power source. I guess when there’s a lack of issues, it creates a vacuum which draws back in life and creativity and inspiration and all the things that get pushed aside from day after day living. Of course I was also able to put some good time in with faith issues and some quiet for the still small voice to penetrate my soul again.
Two weeks seemed like a long time to be away as our plane lifted off from here back then. I thought of so many things that just couldn’t carry on without me. I thought of the house and the cat and the desk and the lawn and as I settled back in two days ago, I realized that it was all just right. The two weeks had also been just right. A day shorter and I’d not have been fully charged. A day longer and I’d have probably overcharged. I thought I knew what would be good for me, as I always think that I do. However, one more time, He knew and His plan was better. He knew because He knows me. He knew because its His power anyway.

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