Monday, July 23, 2007

limits

I’m trying to regain a sense of control this week. Selfishness has been taking a beating lately. During this past week, little has been about me. That’s ok I guess, for a week anyway. I’d rather not make this a habit though. Last week was about college, and movies, and artists, and internships, and weddings, and herniated discs and cars, none of which were mine, but all of which I was responsible for. This week didn’t promise to start off any better.
Last night, in thinking through just the mornings tasks, I nearly had a panic attack. At least I thought it might be one. I’ve never had one, but I imagine they feel that way. It ended quickly though when I resolved to get up extra early today to start the week with some caffeinated beach time to try and establish balance real early. I’ve heard that the best defense is a good offense so I’ve decided to go on the offensive today and take some of my selfish time right at the beginning. I’ve discovered that if one finds that there is not enough time in the day, just get up earlier and make more. It’s working for me at the moment.
I was feeling a bit guilty about all of this. Let me clarify. I’ve been feeling only a hint of guilt about the selfishness. I should feel more I know, but the older I get the less guilt I feel. I think it will totally disappear when I retire and then, like millions of other retired people, I will do whatever the heck I want to do. I’ll probably order Big Mac’s at Burger King and Whoppers at McDonalds and both with coffee and no one will be able to tell me I’m wrong. Did I say that out loud? Anyway, it’s only been a hint of guilt. Then I read these encouraging words in the “Book of Books”, “Then Jesus went off to a solitary place”.
So there it is. The creator of the universe and everything in it, the Savior sent for all mankind, the King of kings, Lord of lords, Alpha and Omega, every once in awhile must have had enough. So off He went to a solitary place. I chose Tully’s. It’s not quite the same, but then again neither are we. I would guess that He dealt with more schedule alteration in a week than I’ll deal with in my life. The amazing thing is that it was pretty much, as far as I can tell, without caffeine. It’s probably why He chose wine, but that’s another line of discussion.
So here I am, at the start of a new week. All that I know for certain is that it will be a week and I guess that it will be whatever I choose it to be. I’ll need some solitary places. I’ll need lots of caffeine, and before its over I might even be longing for wine. What I do know is this….It’s beginning right now, ready or not and I need to get out of here and live with it. The retired crowd has just shown up. I know my limits

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