Threads

I've always been a proponent of cause and effect.  Very simply defined, doing this leads to that … very simple and uncomplicated.  Even though culture and an industry of ambulance chasers resists and seeks to eradicate undesirable effects (insert responsibility here), cause and effect still rule the day... unless you're trying to carry a cup of coffee between your legs while driving.  In the physical realm its fairly easy to predict and measure … in the emotional and spiritual realm its a bit more complicated and nuanced.
From a human standpoint, it all comes down to choices, for good or bad.  You choose to breakup over a text, you're a looser … cause and effect.  You choose to go shopping with your significant other rather than golf with a buddy, you're a romantic.  These kinds of decisions may seem small and insignificant, but the results are noticeable and often immediate.  I get those. They are much easier to understand.  What I have difficulty with is imagining the impact of other subtle, often unrealized, decisions that have profound effects manifesting themselves over much longer periods of time.
Much of why I struggle, as I imagine many people do, with seeing how my life choices ripple through time, is that I rarely "take" the time (notice I didn't say "have") to really stop and consider.  I'm not sure it's practical to live at a snails pace, pondering every choice of socks in the morning or other sometimes agonizing life details. Not every choice weighs the same in the course of human history.  The trick is in not missing the important ones.  I have found it helpful to be more aware of the power of considering the present in light of the past and imagining where the threads are between choices made and current experiences.  In other words, how did I or we get here in this moment and what role did I play?
I'll give an example … a few weeks back our entire immediate family, kids, grandkids were back East for a celebration and a chance to connect up with other friends and family.  For whatever reason, on this trip back, as I sat at many tables with dear friends from a past life, I began to continually wonder "How did we get here?". For the first time I began to see relationships and people who literally existed because of actual choices that I made either individually or with my wife.  What we experienced a few weeks ago and the people we experienced much of it with was only possible because of a series of choices big and small years ago … and none of which were honestly made with this day in mind.  In other words, I didn't much consider how the cause (choice) would play out (effect) over the course of my life.  The crazy piece was the realization that they weren't merely practical life choices … in fact they were nearly all very impractical … they were spiritual choices leaned into through faith with no promise or idea of consequence or effect.  I've nearly forgotten how to step out and trust like that.
Since returning I have been overwhelmed by the realization that, because I chose to follow a crazy and impractical call to ministry, there were literally living humans experiencing those moments with me.  Because we chose the impractical and inconvenient move back to that area for our first ministry, actual living and loving humans were sitting across from me.  Because I made the inconvenient and uncomfortable choice to visit a family who had left the church even before my arrival, cherished friends were having dinner with us, complete with their own family.  Completing it all, because we made the impractical and unlikely choice to move to Seattle so many years ago, we were able to share these moments with spouses and grandkids, none of whom would exist except for a common thread of choosing to trust and follow.  I can expand this even beyond our East coast experience to realize that our most cherished relationships are all linked by this thread.
I'll admit to still having a hard time comprehending all.  You may have read this and come to the conclusion "duh, how did you not understand all of this?".  Why then didn't you share it with me earlier.  My wife and I actually began processing some of this while we were still on our trip.  Actually I was processing and she was thoughtfully listening.  At one point she said "You know you really have had a wonderful life George Bailey". I'm grateful for the choice I made in her and the impractical choice we made 35 years ago to say "for better or worse". Approaching 35 years of marriage together, we are walking slowly through each year leading up to our anniversary and remembering the moments and choices that brought us to today. I can honestly say that its been overwhelmingly "better".  I'm looking forward to once again discovering the threads that brought us here.