"Can You Spare a Minute?"

How many times do I get asked that question in an average week ... just minding my own business ... heading in to grab some grocery item ... walking through downtown ... on my way for coffee?  I'm not a fan of that question on a number of levels.  First of all, it implies that the intended interchange is only going to take a minute, when a more honest inquiry might be "Can you spare 10 to 15 minutes".  Secondly, there is a level of guilt imposed when my first reaction is "no, I really can't".  I mean really, am I that busy that I cannot invest 60 seconds out of my daily allotment of 86,400 in the life of another human?  None of us are that busy. Lastly, no where in this interchange is there any indication that what is most likely being sought is some sort of financial investment. "Oh you don't have cash on you, that's no problem, we can take a card or Venmo". Practically speaking, one could say just don't engage.  Just ignore. Just say no.  I along with most of you have all chosen these very same paths at one time or another.  I never feel good about it, regardless of my response ... and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone.  The only way I'd feel worse is if, in a moment of weakness, compassion, or Covid fog, I engage in the "one minute exercise" and become trapped in the exact place I knew I would. I will admit that in this chapter of my life more often than not I choose to run. Well not literally, I am now 60 and running is more in my head now than reality.  I choose to run figuratively. I choose avoidance of these fellow humans.

There are certain areas of my life in this city that I have to have escape routes already preplanned.  Sometimes I have a plan A, B, and C to get me past this. I have long been known as a very observant person ... my wife would say nosy ... but it has usually served me well.  I work hard to know every alternate route, back door, escape hatch, whatever it may take to get me from here to there as quickly and efficiently as possible.  So on my good days, I am observant, scanning the scene before me from a safe distance as I calculate whether or not it is a safe space.  Let's be clear though, I am not avoiding people in general.  I can be as likely to loiter with a friend or even a complete stranger.  It is those with an agenda that I am avoiding.  Someone who would like to use me for their own ends ... to fill a quota. I also want to go on record as saying I often do stop to engage, to donate, to purchase something that is being offered, especially if it has to do with people on the margins of our view ... those who already see themselves as invisible.  

The conflict for me is in those moments that I choose not to ... I walk (or run) away feeling guilt. The genuine people who are upfront with their intentions I have a good deal of respect for.  It is the "bait and switch" interactions that I oftentimes do not appreciate ... it is the "Can you spare a minute?" ambushes when you know full well that it's going to take 15 minutes and most likely 15 dollars to get out of the conversation. 

So here I sit this morning, in the middle of a tech campus, glancing out the window at 20 somethings with yellow vests who have camped out on all 4 corners, chasing down people scurrying from meeting to meeting.  I know from experience that they are asking "can you spare a minute?" to everyone who wanders into their paths.  I do feel for them somewhat as they either receive a no or, worse yet, they receive no acknowledgement at all.  I'm not a complete ass ... As annoying as they may be to me, I can feel for them, but only for a minute.