Monday, May 12, 2008

Plan B

A significant part of me isn’t feeling much like writing this morning. I’d rather just sit quietly in my part of the world at the corner of Starbucks coffee and beach front view and do nothing much at all. I’d rather just” be” this morning. But the sun is up, the high clouds are filtering over the mountains, and the usuals are around, including me. So here I sit behind my keys.
I’ve been doing this for so long, the writing thing I mean, that I’m beginning to lose focus on why I’m even doing it in the first place. There are plenty of perceptions that I’ve probably never really intended. Some people stop by here to catch up on random things that are going on in my life in the great North West. Some find common struggles and bizarre thought patterns which they can relate to. Once in awhile I can share an inspirational thought that has helped me along this journey and it may help them as well. Some read it and are totally bored. I understand. I get bored with me quite easily.
I just realized this morning, over a blueberry muffin, that I had almost forgotten why I do this week after week. It’s not for any of the previously mentioned reasons that I do any of this anyway. No offense. It is for me and only me. It’s my sanity and my leveler at times. I write to attempt to ground myself at the beginning of each week. In olden days, I had Monday’s off. I could just disconnect from the reality of my profession and the demands that Sunday’s brought. I don’t have Monday’s off anymore. So this is my plan B. I turn this thing on and just begin to type and see where it leads.
To be honest, looking back over the years of plan B, it sometimes doesn’t amount to anything more valuable than a chance for my brain or my soul to vomit. Sorry for the graphic description, but we all know that feeling of being at the point where you think that if you could just throw up, then you’d begin to feel better. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, and sometimes you’d even resort to causing yourself to accelerate the process. Kind of like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get. Unless you just ate a box of chocolates. Anyway, the point is, this is totally for me. It is for my benefit and mine alone. You can come along if you’d like. Obviously if it were intended to be private, I’d share it in a much less public manner. Although I never originally thought that anyone would ever have any interest in reading this stuff…. At least while I was still living.
So there it is. I’ve put it back on track. It’s my plan B to stay level and moving forward on a journey that doesn’t always move forward. It’s not perfect. It just is what it is. I’m not going to complain though. Plan B does have good coffee , good muffins and a great view.