Tuesday, February 17, 2009

blink

A new week has managed to manifest itself right on schedule. It seems as if I’m still in the last one. In fact, it seems as if I just blinked and 5 years has gone by. I’m heading today for round two of my grad school marathon week of classes. I’d swear that I just left round one, but according to the calendar that was over three months ago. It is startling how fast time flies when you hadn’t really decided if you’re having fun or not. Maybe it’s the over the hill thing manifesting itself in my life. I hadn’t realized that I was over the hill. Thing used to go slower, or so it seemed, like steadily climbing uphill. In my headphones this morning Bob Dylan is singing to me about being “Like a Rolling Stone” and according to every bit of physics that I’m aware of, they pick up speed on the down side.
It all happened in a few blinks. I blinked and my kids were not babies any longer. I blinked and I was living in the Midwest. I blinked and I was back in Syracuse. I blinked and then I was in Seattle. I blinked and my kids were graduating. I blinked and I have a daughter in law. I blinked and I’m taking my daughter to college. According to my facebook page, many of my relationships didn’t make the journey with me. According to the pee on my hardwood floors this morning, my geriatric cat is still tagging along. I know that one of these blinks and she’ll be gone as well, so I’ll put up her senility for as long as we have her.
I’m almost reluctant to sleep any more; afraid that I might miss something while my eyes are closed. This might explain why I hardly take the time for a nap any longer. Its sobering to realize how fleeting life is and how little time you have to make a difference. In the Book of Books, there is a part written by James that describes life as a mere vapor, or something like a mist. I’m well acquainted with that picture living around here. His point is simply this; why do you spend so much time and effort worry, planning, scheming, and even dreaming about tomorrow when there is so much of life to be lived today? You can be so fixed on the future that you miss the present and forget the lessons and richness of the past. It’s all lost in a blink.
For a planner and schemer and dreamer like me, it’s a clear message. I can’t stop the inevitable rolling down the hill. I can, however, slow it down enough to enjoy most every turn of my stone. When I think back to the days of my purposeful rolling down grassy hillsides, I remember that those slow rolls were fairly enjoyable and relaxing. It was the speeding, out of control ones that left me disoriented and wanting to puke at the bottom. I’m trying to relax. I’ll find time to nap again. I’ll not be so worried about another blink.

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