Tuesday, February 03, 2009

crossroads

I’m in another crossroads kind of setting this morning. You know the kind….dusty flat fields that you can see for miles around, somewhere in the Midwest undoubtedly, four way intersection of 2 country roads, no sign markings and no one around to ask for directions….like I would anyways. Let me clarify….it’s not like its 7 am Tuesday morning February 3rd, 2009 and I have to turn right, left, or go straight. It’s taken me awhile to get here and there’s no hurry to leave this intersection…it’s just that eventually I will have to leave. I’ll have to step one way or the other. I have thoughts and dreams as to which way I’ll go, so it’s not without any idea, but just as it is with many of these crossroads, they may all look the same, but they are far from it. I don’t have experience with this one. Like Gandalf in the mines of Moria, “I have no memory of this place”.
In case you’ve never been at a crossroads, let me tell you that you don’t just wander up to it. You get there in the midst of a whole variety of life circumstances all converging at one point. All of a sudden the dust clears….and there you are. This is where the dust begins to settle for me and I can make out the crossroads. I’m here at the beach, sun is shining, coffee is hot, fireplace is not, typing my very first official document on a brand new, beast of a laptop. I just passed 200 posts and have turned that corner, wondering if it should continue this typing therapy that I engage in every week. I’m grinding out a graduate degree, my wife has gone through somewhat of a career change and is now the hottest barista at our favorite coffee place (no it’s not Starbucks), son is married, daughter in college, senile old cat is on her ninth life. Things have become simpler and far more complex all at the same time. Even my community o’ faith has celebrated a milestone this past week when we opened our new building. All of the swirl of the past several months has begun to settle around my feet….and there through the drifting dust a crossroads appears.
Which way to go? The thing about life is that as long as you have it, there is so much of it to live. Don’t get this confused. It’s not that I need a change. God knows that I’ve had plenty of that for one life time and I’m sure plenty more regardless of choices. I just don’t want to miss anything… so the best thing to do when you get to this place is to sit for awhile. There are many things that I don’t know, because I’ve never been at this particular crossroad before, but I’ve been at enough of them to know that, eventually, if you wait, God will show up, and the path that is set for you will be revealed. If you’re fortunate, it’ll be like lights along a runway. But it might only be an arrow drawn in the dust. Either way, that’s the time to get up and begin walking again.
It’s like this beagle sitting outside my window right now. It’s not his idea of a good time to be hanging around outside a coffee shop waiting…but wait he must. I can see on his face a sort of beagely confidence. He knows that his owner will come. At some point they’ll be off again together, with new hydrants to explore and new butts to sniff. My wait, by comparison, doesn’t seem so bad. Eventually the crossroad becomes just another road and I’ll be off again. Towards 300…maybe? I’m not sure. I guess I’ll know when I get there.

No comments: