Friday, January 14, 2011

selfish

Holy crap I am out of sorts this morning….how’s that for a way to start a reflection for the day? One thing that speaks for itself is that it is Friday and I am just getting to sit down and write. I’ve made attempts the past 3 days to keep myself in a balanced equilibrium and to maintain the holy grail of my schedule, but here we are. This week, as school has begun along with some critical points of life in my community o’ faith, I have felt like the voice track in a Godzilla movie. I always seem to be one phrase off of real time. Just in case you were wondering, it doesn’t work well for a driven, perfectionist type of individual like myself.
Just as I thought that perhaps all was lost for this week, I opened my class site and God delivered once again in the form of conviction…not that I needed any more conviction, really. It’s just the way He chose to deliver it. In the opening of my section of journaling, a quote jumped out at me from Parker Palmer’s work Let Your Life Speak. In it he writes “Self-care is never a selfish act-it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer others.” I’m doing ok with the selfish part, but self care has been lacking.
So I’ve never really considered my life as a gift, however it seems to be true that it is the only thing that I have to offer others. I happen to believe that we are on this earth for two things, and only two things. It is to offer ourselves in relationship to our creator and to offer ourselves in relationship to His creation. In that light, it’s only when my own self is fully functional, that I have something to offer either area. It encompasses a great deal of area, spiritual, relational, emotional, intellectual, professional and all. Yes George Bailey, yours really can be a wonderful life.
I don’t know about you, but for me damaged goods can be a bit annoying. I don’t mean used, or previously used, or gently worn, or whatever the correct terminology might be appropriate. I mean the “broken with no attempt at putting back together before being delivered to me” stuff. This applies to stuff and to relationships. Each of us has the responsibility to make an attempt at “fixing our stuff” before trying to pass it off on others. Gone through a bunch of relationships? Quite possibly you are the common denominator. Filtered through a number of “career changes”? It might be you. It might not be, however we owe it to the next relationship, employer, spouse, whatever, to at least stop long enough to look in the mirror.
When I look in the mirror, I don’t always like what I see, and it’s not just because there seems to be more gray than there was. So allow me to seem a bit selfish while I take on a little more self care. Trust me, in the long run it’ll probably be the least selfish thing that I can do.

No comments: