Teachable

We all know those people ... some of us are those people... the people who have an answer for everything.  There are a few variations of them.  There is the version that is already out in front of the game and pursues their path and plants their flag in it no matter the reality.  They don't even remotely claim to be interested in the opinion, experience, or outright knowledge of others.  There is the version who will engage with the knowledge of others, but then debate them at every turn.  You know that kid ... the one who always has their hand up during class.  Then there is the version who will feign interest in the advice of others ... sometime even seek it out ... as they acknowledge their own shortcomings. When given advice they will then deflect it with the skill of an NHL goalkeeper ,,, continually and unflinchingly informing you of their own justification for the shortcomings of your solutions.  This is, for me, the most frustrating of all the versions.  At least the first two have some degree of honesty...they've never even considered anyone's insight valuable and they are not shy about telling you.

I have always thought that one of the most valuable qualities of anyone looking to succeed at anything is that of being teachable.  I consider myself to be a lifelong learner ... in as many areas as I can apply it.  I've been in this pastoral arts role for practically half of my life now.  I could easily consider myself an expert I guess if I wanted to believe all the contemporary wisdom.  Circumstances though, If I let them, remind me everyday that I'm not. I've never been a 57 year old pastor before.  I've never been a pastor of a Zoom church before. I've never been a preacher in front of a large group of people, wearing masks that hide much of their response to what I'm teaching. I've never been a pastor in an era where so many of my contemporaries have drawn such deep lines in the sand. So I'll try above all else to remain teachable.

I've been a parent for 35 years now and a grandparent for 11. I think I could reasonably speak into other parents lives about what I've learned.  Guess what, until now I've never been a papa to an 11 year old girl.  Sure I was a dad to an 11 year old girl once, but I'm pretty sure I stumbled through that era. I hope I learn a bit more before the next granddaughter turns 11. The same goes with being a papa to boys ... with them I have three shots ... hopefully I'm teachable enough through the process to show them all how much they are each individually valued.

I've been married for 36 years ... I think I've learned a few things ... a bit of trial and a lot of error.  I've never been a husband though in an 800 square foot condo in the midst of a pandemic.  I've never been an introvert needing to be the main social and emotional support for an extrovert day in and day out. I've never had to imagine what it might be like to have either yourself or your partner deal with a serious health crisis completely alone in a hospital setting.  I've never had to hold on to my best friend and life's love while she imagines the same thing.  So I'll continue to remain teachable and always look for ways to give her all the best I can offer.

A few months back I was involved in an exercise in which I had to identify my highest values ... both for myself and in others. You may have guessed ... I value the quality of having a teachable spirit.  I also value "owning your own sh*t".  Actually, as I have thought about these I see them going hand in hand.  There is a healthy self awareness that comes with being able to see yourself with a balance of both. I have found that, no matter the particular belief system, faith orientation, social stature, or political ideology of a particular person, if they seem to have a teachable or curious spirit, I enjoy spending time around them.  Contrary to that, there are people who share my beliefs, my faith, my politics, and yet are unteachable.  Those are the people I could barely endure a cup of coffee with.

You may not agree, but I find these qualities lead to a sense of empathy and compassion.  These qualities can connect a leader to those they are leading by helping them understand lives that they themselves have not experienced.  They require listening more than talking.  They require an honest look in the mirror.  They require asking the question "How did you ... ?" of others who have been in that place before. They are qualities that I'm drawn to.  They may not be those that you are drawn to ... they don't have to be.  After all, I'm writing this ... and I've never written this down before ... as a Zoom pastor, in an 800 square foot condo, during a pandemic.

To be open and honest, that drove most of my voting this election season.  I've heard from so many friends that their decisions were based on policy.  I couldn't honestly tell you what the policies have been for the past 4 years because it was coming from the mouth of an unteachable spirit and from someone who refused at every turn to "own their own sh*t".  You could, I guess, claim that I've been unteachable.  You might have a point, although I'd argue that I have in fact learned a great deal these past 4 years. I have learned what has pushed so many of my buttons so many times.  I have learned to listen to others more and a deeper level of understanding without having to agree.  I've learned how much I can still value relationships above the noise.. .unless the noise is coming from someone unteachable.