Did I say that out loud?

I would guess that everyone has had the experience of being misunderstood or misunderstanding someone else. In a life where speaking and listening is a profession, this can be very demanding, confusing, and sometimes exasperating. It's my theory that the gap between a persons mouth and someone else's ears was established during that Old Testament Tower of Babel incident. You may recall that as the inhabitants of the land were making a valiant attempt at constructing a tower up to God He confused their languages mid-project and forever more communication gaps have existed between people. They don't teach you those things in pre-marital counseling. when you could really use it. The whole process of preparing teaching moments and preaching series can seem like such a waste of time when people come up to me and say things like, "I loved it when you said...." and I have no idea where that thought came from. Sometimes it scares me. Sometimes I have to question whether or not it's really the stuff that I prepare or something locked deep down inside that is going to be heard by those within the sound of my voice. Have you had the experience of your voice being recorded and when it's played back you have no idea who it is that is speaking? I hate that. I still can't listen to my own tapes nor can I watch on video unless the sound is muted. I wonder who in the world would come back week after week to listen to a voice like that. Especially hearing the things that they obviously hear that I don't think I'm even responsible for saying. But then again, I've been accused on a few occasions of "not listening". It's only been a few times........today anyway, but the reality is that it goes both ways. There is some kind of cosmic scrambling that goes on between people. In a preaching sense, my confidence has to come in a faith that God's Spirit arranges what we need to hear and filters out the mindless confusing drivel that I sometimes mistake for essential, insightful or brilliant information that people just can't do without. I have had teaching times and preaching times that if I were an Olympic judge would have merited an easy 9.8. It is inevitably after those times that someone near and dear to me will stop by and say, "I don't get it." The opposite is almost always true. After I feel like some message has clearly missed the mark people will later on comment "I loved when you said...". It all causes me to wonder if the curse of the Tower is still alive and well. At least it is in my family.

Gaps

I remember the original "Rocky" movie. Even though I haven't seen it in quite some time I still remember many moments from it and many famous lines. One section of dialogue I've been remembering more and more lately as our church wrestles with a new budget is a conversation that Rocky has with Adrienne about gaps. Do you remember it? Excuse my memory but the basic thought process that was being exhibited was this: "I got gaps...you got gaps...but together, we don't got gaps". The idea is simple. Everyone has something that they lack, but for everyone the lacking is different. You find compatibility when you find someone who makes up for your "gap" and you for theirs. A healthy relationship acts that way. It isn't draining, it is enhancing. It doesn't make excuses, it mends holes.
Faith needs to be that kind of a relationship. Jesus told Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you". In other words, whatever you lack, His grace will make up for. If you engage yourself in the relationship that is. He fills in gaps. It only works though if you invest yourself in the relationship. Because God has needs to. It is true that He is all powerful, all knowing, and all being. However, we know, as evidenced throughout His story, that he seeks our love, affection and devotion. We were created to worship Him. Remember the greatest commandment, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength". It's called worship. That's the key to the whole "free will" concept. God didn't create us to automatically love Him. We choose. If you were priviledged to experience "Napolean Dynomite" you'll remember that his date to the dance didn't have "free will" in the matter. You can appreciate how much more appealing it would be to have your date actually desire to be with you instead of being coerced.
Faith relationships, as in personal relationships, need investment by both parties to be fulfilling to either party. He fills in our gaps. We also play a role in, dare I say it, filling in His.

spam

Spam, I hate it. I always have. I don't like the canned version nor do I appreciate the version that slimes my email account every single day. It's ridiculous. In my profession I hear more often than I care to about how peoples lives are a product of their family environment and disfunction in childhood. Save it! You want disfunction? Every month of my growing up years we had a "spam night" in our family. My father loves the stuff and therefore we got to experiment with it at least 12 times a year. I can't even look at the can. To this day I have a serious aversion to any combination of blue and yellow paint schemes. So I guess that naming the disgusting, annoying, crap that clogs my computer everyday spam is a stroke of genius. I wished that I had coined the phrase. I opened my mail today and had 234 unwanted messages from unknown, unseen, cowardly, high tech telemarketers. That was in one day! Imagine what happens if I don't check my mail each and everyday. I'd hate to go on vacation. I'll have to open a new account. It would be easier than cleaning the old one. Sure, it's easy to delete the stuff. I could merely hit "empty" in my bulk mail bin and they'd be sent back to cyberspace. However, I've learned that every once in awhile an important message is contained in those 234 messages. You almost can't see them for the slime surrounding them. Kind of like when you open the actual can. You almost can't see that thing that passes for meat among all the slime in the can. So everyday I'm going through page by page making sure that I don't miss something.
As I do, I inevitably find myself every once in awhile being lured to open the one that looks too good to be true. They always are. Like the games at the fair that you try every year convinced that someone with some shred of honesty has taken over the game and made it possible to win.
Never are they ultimately worth anything. And again I find myself looking in the mirror at my life. How many times do I chase down the ultimate prize, the easy solution, or the sure fix? How many times do I resist the delete button on something I think might be "the one", only to find another wasted moment. I'm convinced that there is something hidden among all the slime. It might just take one more time. Not anymore, today I hit the delete button. Trust me, when you finally get there, it's only another hunk of spam.

U Turns allowed

This morning I was watching parents drop their kids off at our school. We have distinct markings going into and out of our parking lot. They are very noticable. Not only that, there are only 6 weeks left in the school year. Despite these previously mentioned facts, I witnessed this morning a number of cars going the wrong way. It was obvious to me that they were going the wrong way. I didn't have to see the arrows or be standing directly in the lot. It just looked wrong. Have you ever had that experience? Have you ever watched people in behavior that just looked wrong? When this happens for me, it is as if my whole balance is thrown off. It makes my concept of the world not seem right. It's bothersome. I find it interesting though, in watching them, that they don't all seem to be bothered by going the wrong way. It seems like a well thought out process for some. A few of them were visibly embarrassed by their mistake, but some of them this morning started into our parking lot the right way and then intentionally turned around to go the wrong way. They purposefully and decidedly made a U turn. Some of them made a three point turn, but the rest just a round about, one point, "I have my own reasons for this", turn. It didn't feel right. It was in a church parking lot of all places. You shouldn't be allowed to make a U turn in church should you? I wonder. Maybe it ought to be the very place where U turns are encouraged. After all, what is a U turn except a conscious change in direction. It's a decision to go the other way. I think the Bible calls it repentance.
In God's eyes it is a conscious realization that we're doing it wrong and we need to turn around to get it right. Some are so aware of their circumstance that they purposefully and willfully turn around to get where they no down deep they ought to be. Others are visibly embarrassed about admitting it. I guess they feel that in order to be in a church they should have already been going the right way. That's too bad. Our church community is the very place where U turns need to be encouraged and celebrated. Many in the church, however, are reluctant to share their own U turn stories. They like to forget they were going the wrong way. In fact for some when they witness the wrong way direction of others it makes them uncomfortable. We need to get over it. Our drivers education teaches us the proper way to make a turn around. It's about time our community of faith teachesus the same lesson.

Design or designer

I'm an admirer of cars.......Most of the time. I'm an admirer usually until it's time to repair one. I've been cursed with a mechanical aptitude that most of the time won't allow me, in good conscience, to boost my local mechanic into the next higher tax bracket. Too often I find myself cursing the designer of the vehicle when I'm trying to resolve a failure in the design. In the last few weeks I've cursed those who collect paychecks from Honda, Hyundai, and Volkswagen. Don't worry though. For all of those "buy American first" types reading this. I've cursed my share of Ford and GM engineers as well. The other thing I've been cursed in is a background in engineering, more specifically mechanical engineering. It allows me the opportunity to play God when encountering their designs. I think thoughts like "If I designed this", or "If I planned that". Not being able to see into their minds, I have a hard time understanding why they would have designed their projects in such a way. It's very frustrating to play God. Just yesterday though as I sat in our car wasting a bit of time, I found my mind wandering. Before I knew it, I realized that I was admiring, of all things, different aspects of the design. It wasn't great and grandiose thoughts. It was simple things like the window switch in the door. I was admiring how well the door panels were formed into a cohesive unit. I was admiring the sleekness in the lines. I liked it, and just for a moment I appreciated whoever it was that sat somewhere at a drawing board or computer terminal and first put this design onto paper. It was a great design, but I found myself admiring the designer. Now I live in an area where evidence of an incredible design are all around. This is arguably one of the most beautiful areas on the planet, and I have visited many others through the years. But this is also one of the places least likely to acknowledge a designer. There are plenty who would say that they have a better idea. If they were the designer, things would be different. If there really were a designer, then things would go more according to how they would have designed it or how they understand it to be. The problem is, they don't know what goes through the great designers mind any more than I know what goes through those minds at Honda. It is those moments that I realize that I am not so different from those around me. I'd like to think I am. It's causing me to consider His design in different ways. Right now I'm watching the wind blown leaves from my trees that eventually I'm going to have to get rid of. It's certainly not my preference. It's not how I would have designed it. But I'm thankful for the designer. The world is much better off that I'm not Him.

I Like it

I really like it when someone appreciates the same things that I appreciate. It is true that opposites attract. My marriage is a living testament to that theory. However, I think that it's also true that there is tremendous value in finding someone to share a mutual appreciation of something of importance in your life. Ideally in a marriage relationship you can experience both the opposites and the similarities. I find myself at different times longing for various opportunities to participate in some activity or other. The difference between the longing for and the participating in is most of the time a lack of someone to participate with. For example, I'd love to get involved with kayaking. I've tried it before and really liked it. However, I don't have anyone to do it with. The same goes for serious cycling. Not having someone of significance to share the experience with lessens my desire to actually participate. I'm beginning to have this conflict lately with the Church. I want people to appreciate what I appreciate. I've given my life to the Church. I've given my family's lives to the Church. It's not just a job, it's an adventure. I value it, I appreciate it, and lately it's been becoming harder and harder to find others who share my feelings. I've read the studies, but more convincingly I'm living the experience with people who are increasingly having little thought and less time for the things that I value. Part of me doesn't understand it. If they had struggled with it the way I have... If they'd seen the dark underside that I've seen or if they'd expereinced the hurt that it has at times inflicted on me and my family, I might then understand. But for the most part they haven't and they won't, and yet they still have a hard time appreciating it's value. On the other hand, part of me understands all too well. They don't see it's purpose. They don't see it's relevance. They struggle to find any passion in it's members for the things that they have heard God values most. I have to admit, I understand where they're at. I still want them to appreciate that which I appreciate. There is good news though, as there is with most any difficult lesson that I'm supposed to learn. The good news is that because they are not passionate about it, I am that much more determined to help them see it's value. I'll work even harder to make the Church do what it was meant to do in God's design for it. God wants us to be a community. The world needs it. God wants us to lend a hand. The world needs it. God wants us to be The Church, not to hide in one. I read all these things about the early church that were so attractive to those on the outside. I don't read those things much these days about the American Church, and neither do they. The good news is that I have a life purpose to help them like what I like. Anyone else?

Are You Done Yet?

I haven't written in awhile. It's been too long actually. It's been long enough that I can feel it. I wrote earlier that this was probably becoming a therapy. That probably explains the way I feel when I stop for a time. This past week has been..., well let's just say that it's been life. I had to laugh the other day when I passed the sign in front of our church and read "share a real life experience here". I thought, "well yeah, jump on in, the water is fine". It has been real life this past week. I guess it always is. It was just harder without the writing. This morning as I thought about it I also came to the conclusion that not only had I not written much, I also hadn't spoken much... to God that is. My writing has become a conversation and a way of expression just as prayer has to be a conversation and a way of expression. I lived real life this past week and came to the realization that real life, the life that really happens to us every day, is a lot easier to engage if you're conversing along the way. I don't mean that I wasn't speaking to God. On the contrary, probably more than usual. I wasn't conversing. I wasn't listening. Conversation takes both speaking and listening. I spoke. I spoke loudly and clearly. A few times I shouted. Some of it wasn't in language that you would find others using in conversations that you might find recorded in the Bible. After I time, when I realized the absurdity of what was going on, I thought of Job's conversation with God. His conversation which was really him ranting, raving, threatening, questioning just like I had been experiencing is one that I have read many times. I also read the rest of the story. I read the part where God finally intervenes with the question of the hour, "Are You Done Yet?". I'm at that part of the conversation. I've distinctly heard that voice ask me "Are You Done Yet?". I think He has much to share with me about all that I vomited out at Him last week. It may come out through the writing I've come to need. It may come out of quiet. It'll certainly come from me paying attention to what's going on around me. One thing I did hear the other day. Real life is much more liveable with the one who gave it.

community

I remember my earliest coffee days. I wasn't even married. It seems like many years ago. It was. My wife to be and I would hang out at a friends house, sit around the table and drink coffee for hours and talk about everything and nothing at all. I was hooked. Starbucks was only an infant in the northwest. I had Folgers, or whatever else was on sale. There were no coffee shops. Only diners and truckstops if you wanted to go "out" for coffee. But it wasn't really the coffee we were looking for, it was the company. So any table would do. Just a table to know each other over. It was that way for us through all of life's moves, changes, careers, births, deaths, you name it. We shared coffee and life. Of course over time, coffee itself became a bit more important. I remember our first grinder. I remember the excitement of first travelling down the aisle of specialty coffee beans, collected in the clear tall dispensing containers. I remember the smugness of being able to choose these beans while those poor unfortunate souls continued to buy theirs in cans. It was still about the conversation though. Now I couldn't wait to have people around my table, to drink my coffee, to hear my stories. I just read a note the other day long tucked away from 10 years ago. It said in part, " I look forward to many more times of sitting around drinking coffee and sharing thoughts". We drank alot of it with this friend. So much so in fact, even though we haven't seen each other or spoken in probably 4 years, a good cup of even Folgers (God forbid) would bring it all back. It's interesting how that worked through my life. I find it interesting because now I live in coffee mecca. I live in Starbucks backyard. There are literally 7 coffee shops within a 2 block walking distance that only really exist for coffee. Coffee is an art here. Conversation is not. Coffee shops are filled day and night, but for the most part the inhabitants are alone. There are relatively few groups. There is relatively little sharing. Books, dogs, and laptops are more often than not the companion of choice here. The community that used to be so effortless, now requires an effort that many are unwilling or unable to make. I'm not sure which it is, unwilling or unable. My confusion is this; I live in an era and an area that says a primary felt need of people is for community. I hear constantly a call to develop venues of community building, but each attempt is met with, at best, apathy. I think that the need is real. I think that the statistics are accurate. I know that they'd be better off if they found it. Which is what makes this whole thing so frustrating. It also causes me to think that the problem is more likely to be that they don't know how. They don't know what community looks like. I've been told that it is because of the "pioneering spirit" of the Northwest. Since none of my neighbors, even the 92 year old next door, have travelled the passes in covered wagons I sincerely doubt it. I think that they've just not really ever seen it in action. Maybe the coffee art and coffee shops have taken us away from where community truly existed in the first place. Maybe what we really need is just a goo cup of Folgers (God forbid) and a kitchen table. Maybe then we'd be alright.